"Personally Yours"
by Bobbie Erickson
Caring
Who cares? Remember how awkward your parents were bringing up the subject of sex, disease, birth control, drugs and alcohol? They cared! They cared enough to bring these subjects up once, twice or as often as necessary to insure you had the information and education necessary to make adult decisions.
As boomers many of us had a stray relative that either lived as part of our extended family or periodically resided with the family for some number of months. As we pump iron, run marathons and try to outlive old age, the clock is ticking double time. “Tick” - we've become our parents age when we thought 50 was really old. “Tock” - it may already be that one or more of our parents has had to stay with us during a knee replacement, or some period of time for a health related recuperation.
But what about that time that's really old, say 85 and beyond? A very few of our parents had the foresight to purchase or even had access to extended care insurance. It didn't exist for their parents, aunts and uncles which is why those stray relatives came to visit or live in your family.
Standing in an emergency room holding your loved one's hand and wondering if they have enough insurance or whether Medicare will cover their needs is really too late in most situations. We all face the stopped clock where time is pronounced and written on a death certificate. Then there is no time to ask those “uncomfortable” questions.
The time to care is now! Without talking about your loved ones future needs you risk allowing a government agency to do so without regard to your best interests, values or needs of your family or loved ones wishes. How do you begin such a discussion?
Take the initiative and make time to talk. If your family is scattered about the country, consider a group letter or email stating that you care and would like to initiate an open conversation that will ultimately lead to a plan where everyone knows, in advance, who cares and what will be done in the event of a catastrophic illness and final arrangements.
Love is action and not always easy. Loving your family and caring about preparing a plan to meet their future needs is truly an act of love. And while you're on the subject, initiate the same conversation with your offspring and their families, it won't be that long that you're facing those same questions.
Not only will you have generated a plan for your parents' future needs, you'll have given one more of life's lessons to your children who will be the ones to care about your own future needs. Additionally, consider having an attorney review your family's plan, a small fee compared to the possible expense of failure to plan within the guidelines of the laws of your state.
For more information go to www.aarp.org and search under “caregiving.” They have excellent resource guides and a helpful checklist to facilitate your planning.
Written from the experience and wisdom learned by Bobbie Erickson who provided over 30 years of caregiving to her live-in grandmother and in settling her mother's final affairs.